Too Much

When it feels like the life you lead is too busy, when people, assignments, work, and all the other things that go along with life become so stressful that you just want to scream and not have to deal with any of it, what do you do? do you give up? do you eliminate some of those things? do you stretch yourself too thin and try to take it all upon yourself? (now the thoughts of giving your stress to God comes right about now, gee that’s the solution, let me just do that real quick…..oh…that’s right it’s really hard to do… add another thing to the list.) So I can never seem to get myself out of the stress that is my life, just when i think i have improved things and have gotten at least a few areas under control, I realize all the things that i have done in the past to screw myself over. I hope I’m not doing things now that are going to screw my future self over. Perhaps that is the key, planning ahead, living for the present and the future. My biggest problem I believe is Motivation, I lack the motivation to discipline myself to do homework, or take care of other responsibilities. I lack the motivation to do devotions, to pray, to read the Bible, to actually tell myself “No, you have to do THIS now…not what you feel like doing, but sitting down and doing some work.” But you know there really more to the ache I have in my heart. I feel inadequate. i set expectations for myself that are unbelievably high, expectations that I know i will never be able to meet. When friends do well in school, or start to date somebody, I get jealous, I wish no ill to them, I am happy for them i hope they succeed in everything they do. But there are the thoughts that weasel their way into my head “why do they get all the good grades without trying and I find it extremely hard to even study?” “How is it possible that if, according to everyone, im a nice, good-looking, funny, good guy I have no girlfriend?” “how do these people get good looks, good grades, girls, and no stress when I get the complete oposite?” How can one be content with their life? I know it is possible, but obtaining contentment is a mystery to me. Jesus, God, The Bible, Prayer…these tare the answers…Oh life would be so easy if i had these to fall back on. If my relationship with God was better, my life would be easier to deal with. But the problem lies within the fact that the thing that is supposed to give comfort in stress is one of the things that adds stress to my life. It is a viscious cycle.

Whew…that was a doozy….those first time ramblings always get me. I need to stop dwelling on my problems, stop waiting for solutions to fall in my lap and start searching, being an active participant in my recovery from stress. take some pills, do some homework, pick up myself by the boot straps and discipline myself. discipline doesn’t appear, it is formed It is denying yourself your wants and realizing your needs. sometimes those overlap but not at all times.